Cold February

Although I love being born in February, it can be lonely. I love having a birthday in the month that is the most rare, but it’s the best time for couples.
Welp. I am single. I have been for a while and I am pretty sure I’ll spend another valentine’s day eating discounted chocolate and chick flicks by myself.

I am not complaining, I love the company of myself. I am saying that sometimes I get lonely. I feel for all the singles out here during this time of year.

For a while now, I have continued to blame myself. I blamed myself for not being skinnier, not being more beautiful, not having a better personality, and not such a loud laugh. If I was any of this, I would be in a relationship and being loved at this very moment.

So far, I’ve learned a lot about patience. I know I need to hold my standards still as high and wait. I should wait for a guy who will open the door for me, ask how my day was, not necessarily put me as number one- but definitely as a priority. A priority with his time, effort, and emotions.

It is extremely hard. I think a lot about just giving up and giving in. I hate the thought of that. I hate how common and basic today’s relationships are. A date to the movies, watching netflix and just staying in together. Of course we would do those things, but I want something different.

I want a love that can take my breath away, one that will give me butterflies when we speak, one that will give me a rush when he gives me his full attention and one I can guarantee won’t just QUIT. So many relationships are of convience now and of loneliness. This is why we have random apps for these things. I refuse to be a “hit and quit it” girl or someone who does not receive 100 percent out of the other.

Don’t expect anything less from this end as well, because I have been waiting for you. I intend on loving you the hardest anyone has ever loved before.

xoxo, Bails


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