Reflection

        I am not one who is ashamed of my past. My past is something that has caused me pain, but I am blessed to have experienced it. Without it, I am not sure I’d be the same person I am today. I wouldn’t have as many manners and I wouldn’t want to make sure random strangers that have no effect on me whatsoever, are okay. 

       It is still nonetheless, an ongoing battle to truly love myself. I constantly think “am I good enough for the people I love to love me back?” This is not a good or healthy way to think and I honestly wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. 

      I have learned so much in the past year about myself, better than I could have ever imagined. I am constantly learning how to love myself in different ways. I love washing my face and making sure nothing damages it, or making sure my skin is hydrated, instead of wanting to punish myself by puncturing it. 

      But tonight, I got to actually see first-hand how much I truly have changed. Tonight, as I was washing my face, I looked up and saw blemishes. Instead of hating it, I loved the imperfections and the smile lines I have now on the corner of my lips. I washed my face, looked up and liked what I saw. My reflection. I saw my reflection and didn’t cry. I didn’t want to change my face, or my body. I was very bare, my hair up in a bun, and smiled a big smile. 

      This time two years ago, I couldn’t look at myself for longer than five full seconds without turning away in disgust. I am living proof that no one is too far gone from the self-love they deserve. Self-love is so so so important and I am so blessed that I have found it. This isn’t the end for me, it’s only the beginning in this self-appreciating journey to finding confidence.

xoxo, Bails

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